This weekend was the Big Garden Birdwatch and it’s something I really enjoy taking part in, as a hobby photographer and as a person with chronic illness.  M.E leaves me housebound a lot of the time and being able to keep that contact with nature is a big mood lifter for me. 

Before I developed M.E I loved walking, there was no limit to how far I could walk or how long I could stay out wandering around fields and forests.  It’s one of the things I miss the most, that complete freedom to walk wherever and for however long I wanted.  I especially enjoyed discovering nature; wildlife and plant life, it was refreshing and as an introverted person, I enjoyed that relationship with nature and the outside.  I lost that connection when I developed M.E.  Walking became something that triggered an overwhelming fatigue, pain and post-exertional malaise.  I’d never felt more unfit, struggling to cover any distance without pain or breathlessness.  Instead of feeling uplifted and refreshed from walking; I felt physically unwell and unhappy.  With that, I lost my love of nature, I lost that enjoyment at seeing wildlife and discovering wild, hidden places. 

Photography changed that for me.  80% of my pictures are taken from my home or garden.  It’s also rekindled my love of walking; despite the limits I still face.  It’s taken the focus off the pain and fatigue when I walk and refocussed it on making the most of being outdoors and capturing that feeling for days I can’t manage to get out for a walk.  When I’m out with my camera, I still experience that breathlessness and pain but now it’s less about forcing myself to walk a certain distance, pushing myself too far so I don’t feel lazy.  It’s now about making the most of being outside for even a short time, taking pictures makes me stop more often, I can take a rest and capture photos of nature around me, then walk a short distance and repeat.  M.E has made me appreciate small joys more, just being outdoors in the country for half an hour gives me a great sense of achievement and happiness.  I accept that I can’t walk without limitations and there will always be that post-exertional payback later but that boost to my mental health and wellbeing is worth it.

Of course, there are many days I don’t have the energy or strength to go out and walk for a bit.  Being housebound with chronic illness is often confused with being antisocial or lazy and I find those judgements to be quite hurtful.  It’s a very isolating experience and something that only other chronic illness sufferers can understand.  It’s so easy for people to say “maybe if you just got out more, you’d feel better” or “you need to walk and exercise outside more”; but those people have no understanding of M.E and the physical repercussions of pushing the body to be active when it’s already struggling. 

One of the reasons I love The Big Garden Birdwatch is because it encourages people to take an hour and just look out and see what nature is just outside the window.  As a person with chronic illness and someone who is stuck indoors a lot; it brings the outside, indoors for a bit.  It makes you appreciate how much can be seen just from a window, how much nature and wildlife is around us every day.  I take many of my bird photographs from my living room; I can be resting on the couch and still enjoy the wildlife and outdoors through my camera.  Once those photos are taken, I can then keep those snapshots and when I’m feeling down and exhausted; remind myself of the wildlife and nature that exists outside, and it keeps my hopes up.  With every picture I take, I feel a connection to nature again.  It’s encouraged me to share my photos more, to give others in similar situations to myself a brief look at nature, to give those who are housebound a reminder of the outdoors.  And by sharing photos of wildlife, I’ve taken from my own window, I feel like I can remind those who are housebound that there are ways to connect with nature despite chronic illness barriers.  Yes, M.E forces me to be housebound much of the time but it’s not going to stop me enjoying the outdoors and trying to find ways to remain connected to the outside world. 

With the Big Garden Birdwatch taking place this weekend, I though it would be a good thing to share some of my own bird photographs.  To highlight that being housebound doesn’t mean being isolated from nature and the outdoors, to encourage those with chronic illness to take an hour and see what lives just outside.  I hope that my photographs show how beautiful nature is and how accessible it is.  Being housebound with chronic illness doesn’t mean we have to cut ourselves off from what’s outdoors.  Realising this has definitely improved my outlook and mental health and with every photo I capture, I boost my mood and suppress that isolation I feel being stuck inside a lot.