All the Christmas adverts have hit and the shops are full of festive food and decorations once again.  The festive period is an exciting one for many; a time to plan parties, buy gifts, overindulge with food, spend time with family and generally just be in good spirits.  At the same time, it can be a stressful time; especially for those struggling with chronic illness or disability.  I know that the festive period is one where I always feel my fatigue the worst, and it’s a time of year where everything is very overstimulating and exhausting.  So I thought I’d share a few of the ways I make Christmas a bit more manageable.

Gifts

When you have a lot of people to buy for at Christmas, it can be an overwhelming prospect.  Especially with fatigue and brain fog; I can decide on particular gifts and then forget what I’ve decided on, I buy gifts and then forget I’ve bought them, I wrap things and then forget what I’ve wrapped and for who.  So I like to plan and keep record of everything I buy and for who.  I start by making a list of everyone I need to buy for (I usually make this list early in October so it gives me time to think of gift ideas) and then when I decide on a gift or have a gift idea, I add it next to a name…then tick it off when I’ve bought it.  Then, when it’s wrapped I note that on the list too. An alternative to individually wrapping gifts is to use gift bags, no wrapping needed, just add the gift and seal it or add some coloured tissue paper to make it look a bit more festive. It’s a nice way to gift things if you prefer not wrapping; it takes less time and energy but still looks good.  I always put festive sticky labels on my gifts straight after being wrapped so it says clearly who it’s for.  I’ve been in a situation where I waited to label everything and then had to unwrap it all to remember which gift was which; so I label everything immediately now.  I always keep the list of names and gifts until after Christmas too so that if people thank me, I know what they are thanking me for.  There’s nothing worse than being thanked for a gift and not remembering what you gave someone and it may seem like a silly thing to forget, but brain fog isn’t logical.

Socialising

Christmas tends to involve a lot more socialising than I usually do.  Getting gifts to everyone, attending Christmas events, seeing family, shopping…it’s a lot of mingling and that can take a toll on my M.E.  As a rule, I tend to try and arrange a day with one person then make sure that there are at least a couple of days between I arrange to meet someone else.  This just ensures I’ve got a rest day in between to recover my energy levels.  I’m lucky that I have understanding friends and family who don’t mind visiting me at home.  I find that meeting people in busy town centres, especially at Christmas is too overwhelming for me and I can’t cope with it for very long.  So I either arrange meetings at home and order some nice food in, or I arrange to meet somewhere I know is quiet, away from crowds.  It makes a big difference in my energy levels. 

I spend a lot of time with family and I enjoy it when we’re all together, it can be tough at Christmas though.  When you’ve got a lot of people all in a small house, children running around excited and high on sugar, a meal being cooked, gifts being given and opened.  It’s something I love but it drains my energy levels very quickly.  When there’s so much going on around me, my fatigue can spike and I find it hard to keep up with everything.  There are a couple of things I do to make this experience a little bit easier to cope with.  Turning background noise off for a bit can help me; when lots of people are speaking and children are playing; turning off any music or tv in the background just means it’s not too much stimulation.  When I’m fatigued, a lot of different noise sources can make it hard for me to follow conversations and interact with people normally.  So I try and turn music or the tv off for periods of time when family are around, it’s just less of an assault on the ears.  I try and take ten minutes out in a quiet room if I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed, just taking those ten minutes regularly throughout the day can refresh me a little bit and let me decompress.  I also help to try and not do everything all at once; take an hour to open gifts and give gifts, take half an hour to clean up all the wrapping and packaging, take a couple of hours for eating dinner etc.  Splitting it into periods of just focussing on one thing means it’s not all going on at once.  Stay hydrated, although Christmas is all about the food and drink, it can be easy to forget simple things when a lot is going on around you.  I always make sure I fill a huge glass or bottle with water or juice before people arrive and leave it somewhere nearby.  Again, I’m lucky to have a family who accommodates this and understands how exhausting overstimulation can be and how my energy levels can be impacted.

Cooking

I’m going to start off here by saying that I don’t cook Christmas dinner, that’s always another family member.  My fatigue and brain fog can make cooking extremely difficult for me.  But, I know other people who have M.E may be the designated cook on Christmas day and I applaud you because I understand the challenge of cooking with M.E.  My advice is to plan everything! Schedule everything the night before and set as many alarms as you need to.  Write it all down; ingredients, cooking equipment, times to put things in the oven, the lengths of time things take to cook etc.  You can’t be too prepared.  If there are things you can prepare the day before and leave in the fridge then that might make it less of a hassle on Christmas day.  Don’t be embarrassed to set hundreds of alarms on your phone for when things need putting in the oven, checking on or taking out the oven.  My main advice is to not overstress about getting everything perfect.  There’s so much pressure on getting the food at Christmas perfect, it can be intimidating.  Personally, the Christmas dinners I’ve enjoyed the most are the ones where something went wrong; the cat eating the pigs-in-blankets off the counter, completely forgetting to cook the yorkshire puddings, forgetting to turn the oven on and realising an hour later….it’s all comical memories and I think that’s more important than perfection!

Wrapping/Decorating

Wrapping presents at Christmas is one thing I put off for too long.  I always end up on the floor surrounded by tape, paper and labels with a heap of presents I’ve left until the last minute to wrap.  So my advice is, break it up!  Wrap a few everyday or every second day, keep a record of what’s being wrapped and label everything.  Find a comfortable place to wrap gifts, I always end up on the floor and then I’m stiff and achy after 15 minutes.  The same advice applies to decorating, do it in sections or split it up somehow.  Focus on just one room for the day or just do the tree, then do another section another day or after an hours rest.  It can be tempting to put it all up in one go and spend the whole day hanging and putting things out but I find this triggers my post-exertional malaise and I suffer for it worse the next couple of days.  So splitting it up into more manageable sections can negate that.

Be Honest

My last tip for managing Christmas with M.E or another chronic illness or disability is to be honest with people about how this festive period affects you and your illness.  It’s always easier to hide how challenging we find this time of year, how overwhelming it can be and how it can have an impact on our health.  But, people won’t understand unless you share this with them.  It can be embarrassing to admit you need a little bit more help or assistance, or that you’re not coping with something, but it shouldn’t be something shameful or awkward.  It’s okay to rearrange or decline social occasions if you think it’s going to negatively impact your health, it’s okay to ask for time alone if you’re feeling overwhelmed and it’s okay to say you’re struggling and need some help.  Christmas should be a time for understanding and acceptance, for being around the people you love without judgement.  It’s important to be kind to yourself at this time of year and not put yourself under too much pressure to be perfect.